Slow Down! (Like Me)

Slow Down! (Like Me)

Around the Bluhmin’ Town


Judy Bluhm

I was speeding in my Subaru down a lonely road. There, I confessed to my carefree, fast-driving ways and I already feel a lot better about it. Have you ever driven a bit over the limit? Hmm . . I thought so. Approximately 41 million American drivers receive speeding tickets each year! That’s about 112 million drivers getting citations every single day! A financial six-billion-dollar windfall to cities, counties and state revenues. Anyway, it was a perfectly beautiful sunny day ruined when I saw those flashing lights in my rear-view mirror. My heart pounded as I moved to the side of the road. I said a little prayer.

The officer who pulled me over was a rather prickly fellow. Of course, the first thing he did was ask me why I was in a hurry. Ha! As if I am dense enough to fall for that trap. I have read plenty and talked to enough people who have told me, NEVER answer that question if you get stopped because it only leads to ridicule and humiliation. In fact, there are comedians who have created entire acts based on people’s wild and crazy answers to an officer’s question, “Why were you going so fast?”

A forty-year-old woman in Phoenix told the officer who stopped her for speeding that her biological clock was ticking. She then went on to say, “I was rushing home for a rendezvous with my husband because I am ovulating.” Lady, do not tell a police officer you are speeding because you are going home to have sex! Use some common sense! Do you want to get arrested? Evidently the most-oft given excuses for speeding are, “I must go to the bathroom, or “I was just keeping up with traffic” These stories do not work! Speeders beware, say nothing when asked why you just broke the law.

Well, back to my predicament, when I didn’t offer a good reason for speeding, I simply apologized. The officer sighed and after running my license told me to “Slow down and have a good day.” I felt like hugging him. When I told my family what happened, my grandson said that the cop’s radar had to be wrong, claiming that I always “drive slow like a granny.” Really? Evidently not.

The excuses folks give for speeding could make up a book (of lies). One man was pulled over on Carefree Highway by Lake Pleasant and told the officer that he was going fast to get away from a herd of wild donkeys that were chasing his truck. (No donkeys in sight). Perhaps the most utterly stupid response was when a young man was stopped on I-10 in Tucson by a State Trooper. When asked why he was going so fast, the man replied, “I just robbed a convenient store and was trying to get away.”

Be quiet! Take your punishment and apologize! Dear Readers, are you going for a drive? Slow down (like me) and enjoy the scenery. Stay alert because life is not to be rushed, and neither is the ride.

Judy Bluhm is a writer and a local realtor. Contact Judy at [email protected] or at

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