AROUND THE BLUHMIN’ TOWN

By

Judy Bluhm

Have you stopped and smelled roses lately? Well, most of us don’t have rose bushes, but many folks living in more rural areas have a few other things to smell. A woman who recently moved to Desert Hills said she doesn’t understand why her neighbor’s horses “stink so much,” and maybe there ought to be an ordinance established against horse manure that “sits around for more than twelve hours.”

This email was outdone by the couple in Prescott Valley who wondered if their neighbors would mind putting some sort of “horse diapers” on the two Arabians that “leave mountains of fly-attracting stench.”

I have a great idea! Let’s pass out brochures to folks considering a move to the country, just like they do in Ottawa County, Michigan. The director of planning has created an innovative way to introduce would-be residents to the “realities of rural living.” So, the county has designed a “scratch-and-sniff brochure” that smells like manure. Not only is it an “attention-grabber,” but it gives people an accurate education as to “rural aromas.”

If people were “prepared” before they moved to rural areas, they might not make a “big stink” later when they notice there’s a horse or two on the other side of their fence. Of course, I have owned many “big offenders” myself. Horse manure can actually have an earthy, pleasant smell in the cool, crisp winter months. Not such a nice aroma in the summer heat. Clean your stalls!

A recent survey conducted by FindLaw.com states that 42 percent of Americans have been in a serious dispute with their neighbor. Topping the list are complaints about noise and then pets. Loud music, barking dogs, stinking animals create the biggest conflicts with the neighbors.

I was showing a house to a buyer that was taken aback by the neighbor’s two braying donkeys. He also lamented that “the beasts probably smell up the yard.” The buyer said he loved the house but “those donkeys would have to go.” He asked if I might approach the neighbor about selling them. Stunned, I replied with a simple “no.” The buyer grumbled, “Well, no one wants to live next to jackasses.” On that note, we agreed.

Speaking of aromas, would you like to treat your doggy with some luxury perfume? Sure, I thought so. Only the best for Fido. And of course, this new product could be used on horses (I am guessing). Yes, Dolce & Gabbana fragrances are not only for humans, as now they have introduced an alcohol-free scented mist for dogs. Ah, the delicate blend of tropical and exotic ylang ylang, musk and sandalwood can “delicately embrace your pet for a playful beauty routine.” Evidently, this perfume is not for odor-nary pets.

This pet perfume, called “Fefe,” can be ordered for a mere 108 bucks. It comes in a sleek green lacquered bottle with a vibrant metal cap and is adorned with a 24-carat gold-plated paw. And that goes to show that some folks have more money than scents.

Dear Readers, pause, take a deep breath, enjoy the aromas around you, and be sure to keep your scents of humor.

Judy Bluhm is a writer and a local realtor. Contact Judy at [email protected] or visit www.aroundthebluhmintown.com.