Around the Bluhmin’ Town

By

Judy Bluhm

What are shiny objects that are placed very high? No, not stars in the sky, but the lights and decorations we like to hang up on rooflines, trees, stairways, and porches. Tis the Season of the Ladder, so be careful, Dear Readers. Danger lurks. Placing an angel on a treetop while balancing precariously on a ladder is one way to quickly land in heaven.

I have been wrestling with Santa and it wasn’t a pretty picture. It’s the time of year to be jolly, but occasionally decorating can turn into something slightly less cheery. My daughter, Tammy, has a life-size Santa that sings and dances. Sadly, his body was stuck, and his legs wouldn’t pull-out, so we stood outside and in tug-of-war fashion, grabbed on and yanked at either end. When that didn’t work, I had to take Santa by the neck and shake him till his legs became unstuck. Many children in the neighborhood were terrified by what they had witnessed.

Oh heck, holidays are for decorating. Break out the boxes, start stringing lights, hang the wreaths, and be prepared to rumble with Santa. Some folks will go completely overboard, lighting up their homes and yards like a spaceship has landed, illuminating the entire neighborhood. One man emailed me to say he is going “bonkers” because he must listen to “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” about a hundred times a night, blaring from his neighbor’s yard display. Well, that could be one way to get in the holiday spirit.

Hospital data shows that approximately 15,000 Americans injure themselves around the holidays. Back strains, broken limbs from falls, lacerations from broken ornaments and burns from unchecked candles top the list. Most common causes of injuries? Stringing lights on the roof and placing that angel on top of the tree. Two- hundred- fifty Americans go to hospital emergency rooms every day between Thanksgiving and New Years Day! Who knew that decorating could be such a health hazard?

A colleague of mine (name withheld for obvious reasons) claimed that she was so stressed-out last year with decorating, that she took a small ax (literally) to her live tree when it wouldn’t stand up straight in the tree stand. Evidently her kids watched with shock and amusement as their mom “chopped the lousy tree into tiny little pieces.” Yikes, maybe these kids will need therapy later in life, but at the time they all laughed it off as a “bad choice of trees.”

That’s why you can buy beautiful artificial trees! They are balanced (unlike my friend) and require no ax! We all need to take it easy, keep it simple, and try to remember why we are going to all this trouble in the first place.! Tree trimming shouldn’t be so stressful. Fortunately, we love our Christmas trees too much to be bothered by a few misshapen branches. Americans will be putting up and decorating 94 million trees this month!

It’s time to deck the halls! Blast the Christmas carols. Place an angel on top of a lovely tree. Spiked eggnog is recommended; axes are not advised. Ladders are optional.

Judy Bluhm is a writer and a local realtor. Contact Judy at [email protected]or visit www.aroundthebluhmintown.com.