Around the Bluhmin’ Town

By

Judy Bluhm

People, cover up! Yes, that is the “mandate” being imposed on beach goers in crowded beach towns across southern Europe. Why? Because folks are walking into shops, grocery stores and cafes in skimpy bathing suits. One mayor of a town in Spain has pleaded, “Show some decency – we do not want to see your half-naked body trapsing around our quaint village.” Oh, and the locals are blaming it all on Americans.

Go on vacation. Have a few drinks. Sit on the sand. Why not go wandering around the small town and do a little shopping? It’s time to relax. Wear that bathing suit. And let it all hang out? Yikes. The eyes can only take so much! Cover up, please.

In Arizona, we have very hot summers and do not have to look at people at the grocery store wearing swim trunks or bikinis. Try that in Phoenix and let me know how it works out. Your rubber flip flops can disintegrate on hot pavement, and touching a car door handle can result in third degree burns. No, we run the risk of instantaneous combustion if we go outside “half naked.” Unless it is to jump in a pool.

These are the dog days of summer. When heat is so intense that our doggies don’t even want to venture outside to make doo-doo. This is the time of year when those expensive leather seats in your car can fry your skin and steering wheels become untouchable after parking for more than a few minutes in the sun. It’s when we might feel like walking around naked but have the good sense to know that death would come quickly if we went out not covered up. No, we aren’t at a beach with a cool breeze, white sand, and a “who will notice” attitude.

Why blame American tourists for this “lack of decency?” Aren’t there plenty of nude beaches in coastal European towns? The argument is that, “Yes, there might be nude beaches, but Europeans don’t walk around their towns naked, or over-exposed, like Americans.” Ha! I would say these are not evidence-based accusations and that more research is required. Maybe a trip to Europe would clear things up.

Americans are often laughed at by our European neighbors because of our loud voices, white tennis shoes, and insistence on ice in every beverage. We are not known for “trapsing around” sans clothes. Especially in Arizona! Although one day while driving on a busy road, I saw an older gentleman jogging in a bright red speedo, green sneakers and a straw cowboy hat. Let’s just say it was a shocking (and frightful) sight, especially in one-hundred-degree heat at four in the afternoon.

I spent fifteen years living in California and never witnessed many beach-goers shopping or eating in restaurants in their bathing suits. Of course, there are always those signs by the entrance of establishments that say, “no shoes, no shirt, no service.” Problem solved.

Tourists. Beaches. Bathing suits. The trifecta of a good time. Perhaps the naked truth is that during summer, “decency” is in the eyes of the beholder.

Judy Bluhm is a writer and a local realtor. Contact Judy at [email protected] or visit www.aroundthebluhmintown.com.