Around the Bluhmin’ Town

By

Judy Bluhm

There was a death in the family. Those cruel words have been spoken and experienced by all of us. A parent, spouse, child, sibling, aunt, uncle, grandparent departs from our life, and we are catapulted into a different space. The grieving zone. That place that no one cares to be and yet somehow no one can completely escape.

Memorial Day is approaching. It is the poignant reminder that we are honoring the men and women who died while serving in the United States Armed Forces. Memorial Day became a federal holiday back in 1971. Before that, we celebrated it as Decoration Day in the years following the Civil War. The first observance was on May 30 in 1868, proclaimed as a day to honor the Union soldiers who had died in the Civil War. Official recognition as a holiday spread among the states and by 1890 every Union state had adopted it. After the two World Wars, Congress changed it to an observance to honor all members of the U.S. military who had fought and died in service.

It is a solemn day of remembrance. Sometimes we confuse it with the joy of a three-day weekend or a family barbeque. There are Memorial Day sales and plenty of events to attend. Still, it is the day that marks a deep sadness for so many families across our great country.

Losing a young person is especially heartbreaking. For many families Memorial Day is the time to go to the cemetery, bring a lawn chair or blanket, sit for a while on the grave of an American hero and contemplate “what could have been.” This is the sorrow when a soldier dies, the loss of all the life celebrations and landmarks that were to come, are gone now. The wedding, children, college, career . . .all the dreams that didn’t get a chance to be realized are intricately woven into the loss.

My high school friend, Ted, was killed in Viet Nam. He was just two weeks from coming home. His mother sat for three months on a lawn chair at the foot of his grave. She read books and talked to him. She cried every day until, as she said, “I had no more tears.” There was something alarming, and yet courageous about her daily ritual. Her family was bereft. Her minister came to talk with her. A doctor was sent. Yet, after ninety days she emerged. Sad but stronger. Grieving but accepting. Ready to take small steps towards living.

Memorial Day also marks the unofficial “beginning of summer.” Something joyful to hold on to as we ponder the meaning of this holiday. Family gatherings or bag pipes playing. Across this country, in every small town and big city, there will be cemeteries with wreaths placed lovingly on the graves, like little life-preservers that symbolize, “you’re still with us.” Some gave all. We are grateful.

How will you celebrate Memorial Weekend? A flag? Mostly, it is about remembering. Those who served. Those we lost. The grieving families. A time to honor the ones who didn’t make it home.

Judy Bluhm is a writer and a local realtor. Contact Judy at [email protected] or visit www.aroundthebluhmintown.com.