Around the Bluhmin’ Town

By

Judy Bluhm

My home is my castle! Isn’t that how we’re all supposed to feel? When we arrive at our abode after a hot and busy day, we’re entering the comfort zone. The one safe haven in a hectic world. Home sweet home.

Sitting one morning on the sofa, I gazed out through the patio doors. In an instant, my sense of security was shattered. Imagine my shock when I noticed the head of a reptile looking back at me! That’s right, the little slithering beast was staring in the door at me, tongue flicking. At first, I couldn’t see a body attached to the head. I wondered, was it a desert turtle, a huge lizard? The beady eyes of this headless creature fixed on me across the room. Cautiously, I tiptoed over to the glass door and saw the long body of a big yellow bull snake.

Every now and then, our “mi casa” hits a sour note. Around here it’s usually because of things that crawl on their belly. It’s not that these critters don’t belong here; it’s just that they make me wonder if I do. There’s something downright unsettling about sipping coffee, reading the morning news, and having a three-foot snake glaring at you with a menacing tongue darting back and forth.

Hey, I have nothing to complain about since a woman in Tucson had the “experience of a lifetime.” Well, that is how she described the horror, when she went to use the toilet in her master bathroom and found a snake in the commode. She slammed the lid down and called a snake removal company who caught the evil whip snake. And then the lady packed up all of her belongings and burned her house down. (Okay, I am making this part up).

At least we don’t live in Texas, where snakes fall out of the sky. A woman was on a riding lawnmower, cutting her grass, when a hawk flying overhead dropped a snake, which landed on her shoulder. The woman screamed, as the venomous snake tightly wrapped itself around her arm. Then it gets worse. The hawk swooped down and clawed the lady in a fight to get the snake back. The viper spit venom at the poor woman and the hawk shredded her arm into a bloody mess. Finally, the hawk won the battle and flew off with its prey. And that is how to have a nervous breakdown.

We need to find ways to keep the reptiles away! But I do love lizards, distant cousins of those pesky snakes. I have many lizards that live in my yard, scurrying from plant to shrub. They love to hang magically on the side of the walls, much like an artificial bronzed art deco. The UPS man was quite upset when he rang my doorbell and discovered that the lizard he had just touched was real and not a metal decoration. He screamed like a girl and threw the package up in the air!

As for creatures that slither on their belly, for goodness snakes, please stay alert and be very careful.

Judy Bluhm is a writer and a local realtor. Contact Judy at [email protected]or at www.aroundthebluhmintown.com.