Posted on January 22nd, 2023

I won the lottery — in my dreams. I see it all now, flashing before me. I turn on the television and watch excitedly when they call out the winning numbers. Nervously, I look down at my Powerball ticket and then, in complete disbelief, I realize I have won $1 billion!

Suddenly my world has changed forever. From this moment forward my life will be grouped into two distinct chapters — before winning the Powerball and afterward. This is usually when I wake up.

Hey, we Americans know how to have fun. With the stock market tanking, why not plop down 10 or 20 bucks for the chance of becoming a billionaire? We get nothing from interest in our savings accounts, so let’s gamble like fools on a 3 million to 1 chance of winning the lottery.

One in 4 Americans play the lottery once a month or more, yet statisticians claim that we have a greater likelihood of getting wiped out by an asteroid than winning the Powerball. Or a better chance of getting hit by lightning while swimming and fighting off an alligator. Well, all that could happen!

Some folks who have won the lottery have been pretty stupid! Do not hand a “friend” your winning ticket to go collect the money for you (lawsuit pending). Never win $15 million and spend it on booze, parties and demolition derby activities! A man in Texas won $31 million and in two years was broke.

How is your timing in life? One man won a $5 million jackpot the day after his divorce was finalized. Seems his new ex-wife tried to reconcile. Then she tried to get alimony. When that didn’t work, she tried to sue the judge for “speeding up the divorce date and causing her to lose a large sum of money.” Sore loser?

My girlfriend, an attorney, said the winner of $1 billion would have to go into hiding, almost like into the witness protection program, just to keep the masses of scammers away. She said if I won that much money, I would have to move immediately, stop working, change all my phone numbers while figuring out a strategy. I suppose wearing a dark wig and sunglasses would not help (my original plan).

Hmmm, winning doesn’t sound like much fun after all.

A man in China accepted his $30 million lottery jackpot dressed up as a cartoon character to remain incognito (sneaky). He has hidden his winnings from his wife and daughter, claiming he doesn’t want them to become “arrogant or lazy.” OK, Mr. Big Winner, explain to us how you hide $30 million from your family? What good is money if you can’t share it with your loved ones?

Dear readers, if you don’t hear from me, it could mean that I won the Powerball. Another possibility is that I got hit by an asteroid or struck by lightning while fighting off an alligator. Good luck to all of us. May you have a “winning” week.